Title-less, because I can't think of anything that would fit what's written here

I took Josie to her dentist appointment yesterday. She and Maddie both have "deep crevices" in their teeth, which means that sometimes cavities will occur no matter how much you brush and floss. Josie had a sealant put on her molars to help keep food from getting so stuck in her teeth.

Josie was great and the whole process only took about 20 minutes (pediatric dentists are the way to go! they are trained to be fast and get the whole thing done and over with.) While she was working, she noted that Josie had another chip in one of her lower incisors. (Josie chipped one of her upper teeth last year pretty badly and had to have a cap put on it.) Now this lower one is chipped a little, but it's only a small surface one so it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. The kid is only 2 years old and has already had more dental work than I had in my first 5 years of life. I asked the dentist what the problem was. She said that Josie just has very fragile teeth.

Dentist: This poor baby must have been through a lot. Did she have any troubles at birth?

Me: Well, yes, she had a problem with her esophagus and she currently has alleriges and eczema and wears glasses.

D: No, no, I mean in the womb. Did you have any problems during your pregnancy?

Me: Um, no, other than having Braxton Hicks starting in my 6th month. Otherwise, no.

D: Hmm. There had to be something.

Me: Why?

D: Well, the baby teeth are formed while they're still in the womb, so the problems with her teeth now are a result of whatever happened while you were pregnant. Did anything happen? Was there a problem?

Me: No, not really.

D: Hmm. {and she shakes her head and scrunches her brows while she continues to work}

It was all I could do to keep the tears from flowing. She's usually a very nice woman, but she has no idea what kind of stab in the heart her comments were. As if there isn't already enough about which to feel guilty, let's add that I'm responsible for my kid's weak teeth. I made it through the rest of the appointment, but on the way home my mind just raced, trying to remember every little detail about what happened during my pregnancy with Josie. What did I DO?

I got home and called Bill to update him on Josie's appointment and ended up just bawling into the phone. I kept asking him if he remembered anything different about the pregnancy. He assured me there was nothing different, that I actually ate healthier with Josie (due to different cravings) and that there was nothing to worry about. He definitely made me feel better and took away some of the guilt I was feeling.

Thinking back on yesterday, though, makes me so angry. I hate to completely attack the dentist because she is a nice woman and (I hope) didn't realize what she was implying. However, it was a really awful thing to say, especially to a mother. Josie has had some challenges, and we are extremely lucky that what she has faced has really been small in the grand scheme of things, but would this woman have said something like that to the parent of a child with a more serious health problem? Say, a child with Downs Syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis? Would she sit there and interrogate the mother about what she did during her pregnancy?

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As if yesterday weren't enough, today we had to take Josie in to get tested for diabetes. Over the past couple of weeks, Bill and I have noticed that Josie has to use the restroom at least every 20-30 minutes. She also drinks all the time and even wakes up in the middle of the night crying for a cup of water. Two major signs of juvenile diabetes. There is a little history of diabetes on my mother's side, so that made us more diligent about getting her tested.

Needless to say, I was extremely nervous most of this morning and afternoon before her appointment. I took her in, talked to the doctor, and then we were sent for lab tests. Josie needed to have some blood drawn, as well as give a urine sample. Well, as I waited in line to sign us in at the desk, Josie ended up having an accident in the middle of the waiting room. The staff were extremely understanding, but worried that there would be difficulty in getting a urine sample again. I assured them it wouldn't (and only 15 minutes later, we were able to get one.)

The blood test was the absolute worst. I put Josie in my lap (wet pants and all -- I was soaked afterwards) and held her while they tried to draw blood on one arm. The lab tech was relatively new and had so much trouble finding a vein. The odd thing was, though, that he didn't remove the needle and try again. He just kept the needle in her arm and rotated it inside her arm, looking for a vein. You could see the needle moving underneath the skin. Josie was screaming, my hands were shaking as I tried to hold her, and I kept staring at this guy, thinking It's probably time to give up now!! What are you doing??? FINALLY, he decides to call it quits and takes the needle out. He puts a bandaid on her arm and Josie calms down a little. At this point sweat is dripping down my face and I'm already starting to see black spots, things going in and out of Technicolor. I put Josie down, who immediately runs over to Maddie to show her the Daffy Duck bandaid and I slump down in the chair. The techs were great and immediately brought me some OJ and some tissues to wipe my face. It took about 5 minutes for me to get back to normal. I've passed out a few times before, but never when I've had the kids with me or in a situation like that. I mean, it sucks to start feeling sick to your stomach like that and see things spinning and going black, but to ALSO try to mentally keep track of your kids and what else is going on around you is even worse.

After a little break, we decided to try Josie's other arm. Thankfully, another tech came over to do it this time. One prick and she was in and the blood was drawn in less than 10 seconds. THANK YOU! I'm not sure I could take any more of the needle jabbing. Josie cried, but she was such a trooper and once she got her Wiley Coyote bandaid to go with the Daffy Duck one, she was set. She even understood and agreed to have her other arm checked after the first try. She said, "I don't want any more shots" and when I said that it would be just one more, she held out her arm and squeezed her little fist like they had told her to do, and nodded her head.

Afterwards, we went back up to pediatrics to wait for her doctor to talk to us about the test results (I do love how our HMO works -- everything is in the same building -- my OB is right across the hall from the pediatrician, the lab is downstairs across from the pharmacy -- it is SO easy with kids.) My stomach started rumbling while we were waiting and I was sure I was going to be sick at any moment. I just didn't want my little girl to have to face something else. After a while, the doc called us in. He didn't say anything at first, but just looked at me and gave me the thumbs-up sign. WHEW! All the breath I'd been holding up until that point just came out in one big sigh. It turns out that her numbers are all normal -- blood sugar, ketones, proteins, etc. No problems with blood sugar or with her kidneys or anything. The kid just likes to drink water and therefore ends up using the bathroom a lot because she's so hydrated! Aaack! The doc did say that the symptoms we noticed were the type that would point to juvenile diabetes, but in this case things were okay. Hallelujah! After the experience with the blood test, I'm not sure I would have been the best candidate to give her daily insulin injections anyway!

I'm sitting her writing this and it's all I can do not to fall asleep on the couch. It has been a rough couple of weeks, off and on, and I'm just drained. Christmas is my favorite time of year, though, so I'm determined not to let any bad thoughts ruin my holiday. I'm keeping positive and am enjoying every minute of this time with the girls. Like Disney World, Christmas is becoming more and more exciting as a parent. The girls are already thinking about what kind of cookies they want to leave Santa and if the reindeer will eat lots of carrots or just a few.

Then again, it might not be so bad to just fall asleep right here on the couch anyway, drifting off in the lights of the Christmas tree.