RIP Sindri

I'm copying this post that Bill wrote for our family website. I'm too tired and just don't have the heart to write one myself right now.

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We took Sindri in this morning and had him put to sleep. Hard, hard morning.

He had gotten quickly worse over the last few days. What started as a hacking cough turned into a shortness of breath, then a rasping, growling sound when he breathed. He hadn't eaten a thing for three or four days, and could no longer sleep at night. Because it was harder for him when he was lying down, he would wander the halls into the late hours, shoulders slumped and wheezing, occasionally letting out a shrill bark at nothing. He didn't want to go out, didn't want to play, wouldn't even eat a piece of cheese, one of his favorite snacks. Alecia and I knew what needed to be done, but that didn't make it any easier.

We called our vet this morning to see if there was anything we could do for his pain or discomfort. As we suspected, there wasn't. So we set an appointment.

It was heartbreaking. We left the kids at the neighbors and brought Sindri in. They inserted a catheter, then administered a sedative. Next came the solution that stopped his heart. He didn't seem to feel anything, but it wasn't like falling asleep, either. He never closed his eyes or seemed to settle in, he just stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating, while his whiskers continued to twitch for a few minutes.

The whole thing only took about a half hour. The rapid pace of it all almost made it worse. It felt like there should have been more ceremony to the whole thing. On the way home, all I could think is that we should've at least spent the day at the park first, should've tried to give him some other foods he might like, should've done anything to send him out with more love and attention. Instead, it was too quick, too clinical.

The girls are fine with the whole thing, mainly because they don't understand. They know Sindri's not coming back, that he was sick and hurting--and now he's dead, and his pain is gone. But do they understand any of that? Of course not. I fully expect to get the question in a day or two: "Daddy, when's Sindri coming home?" We did the best we could to explain things without lying to them, but it all went right over their heads, and that's probably a good thing.

I knew it would be emotional, but I didn't expect the guilt I'm feeling, just the sadness and loss. It's harder than even I thought it would be, but at least it's all done. We can get on with things now. Focus on the holidays, focus on getting our other dog Mallory to lose some weight, focus on everything else going on. Hard day, but things will get better.

Thanks to everyone who's supported us through this difficult time.