September 2006 Archives
September 21, 2006
Halloween Costumes
Every year (okay, the last 3 years) Bill and I plan elaborate costumes for the girls. We come up with the idea and then I make the costume. Maddie was Wonder Woman when she was one. The girls were Pebbles and BamBam last year. This year, we racked our brains for weeks to come up with a good idea. We had it all planned out -- they would be aviators (I found the old-fashioned hats online) and we would make the wagon into an airplane. We would pull the girls in it on Halloween night.
We thought it was a great idea and couldn't wait to get started.
That is, until we took a trip to Target one night. We went by the Halloween costume area and Maddie's eyes lit up and got round as saucers as soon as we saw it -- a Belle from Beauty and the Beast costume. She looked at Bill and I with pleading eyes and begged to put it on. We let her try it on (just putting her arms through the sleeves, nothing else. She stared at herself in the mirror for at least 5 minutes. Twirling and looking over her shoulder. It came time to go and we couldn't get the thing off her. We ended up buying it and now she will be Belle for Halloween. Josie, who really doesn't care much at this point, will be Tinkerbell. We looked over at her with her little blond ponytail and it just fit.
Maddie just turned 3 years-old. I thought we had at least one more year to go before she had opinions of her own.
September 19, 2006
September 18, 2006
Grateful Friday
This is sort of an odd post as my family/childhood dog died last week.
She was a little Pekingese named Peke (what else?) and she was nearly 17
years old.
I'm grateful that she lived as long as she did.
When we were little, my brother, sister and I wanted a dog more than anything else. My mom, being a bit of a neat-freak (which I'm afraid I've inherited) refused to let us have one. Maybe a hamster? No. It took long hours of bargaining to even get her to let us have a goldfish.
My aunt, on our side, offered to buy us a dog if my mom would agree to it. Racked with guilt, she agreed to go to the pet store with us one day to look at dogs. We walked around, looking at all the little puppies in the windows. Then, in the back of the store I found a little Pekingese, black with a little bit of reddish fur and two gigantic black eyes. She was six weeks old. I asked to hold her and she cuddled up under my chin and nuzzled into my shirt. My brother and sister immediately loved her as well. Could we please have her? My mom wasn't so sure and then we made her hold the little puppy. As soon as she nuzzled her neck, the look on my mom's face told us it was a done deal.
We got our dog who was named Peke Zsa Zsa (my mom's choice of names) and she became the darling of our family. My mother, completely opposed to having animals in the house, now took Peke for monthly grooming appointments (where she got pigtails) and let her sleep in her bed.
Over the years old age took a toll on the little dog. She wasn't much of a fan of children or other dogs anymore. She was pampered and treated like a little queen. Three years ago, she went in for a simple procedure that required a little anesthetic. Peke had a heart attack and went into a coma. Her heart had actually stopped for long enough that she was considered dead for a minute or two. The vet said he doubted she would ever wake up. We were all prepared to bury her the next day. The next morning she woke up out of her coma, wagging her tail and begging for treats. We called her our little zombie dog.
In the past few months, Peke had become completely paralyzed and partially blind. Last week, right before she died, her eye had started to sink back into her head (something gross that I don't completely understand). On Thursday, my cousin was holding her when Peke looked right up into her eyes and died.
Rest in peace, Peke.
Haves and Have-nots
I'm the oldest of three kids. When we were really young, our family was very well-off, financially. We were basically given anything we wanted. We had all the latest toys and clothes. I had a new car at 16, etc.
Soon after, our family unit fell apart and so did the comfortable lifestyle we had been enjoying. We went from the highest of highs to the absolute lowest of lows. I dropped out of college to help pay the utility bills. My brother worked after school in high school to help pay for groceries. I remember going to stand in line for food stamps. My mother, devastated by all of it and bedridden due to surgery that happened simultaneously with everything else, was completely incapacitated.
Unfortunately, all of this meant that my brother and sister were not able to enjoy some of the luxuries that I had enjoyed, being the oldest child. I feel pangs of regret for the fact that they had to watch me enjoy such nice things, and then along with the upset of their childhoods, they also had to endure the knowledge that they wouldn't be enjoying those same things as well. I know they still feel some jealousy to this day. And instead of feeling lucky to have those things I did, I feel absolute regret.
That feeling has stuck with me for all this time. I'm still trying to understand these feelings and how they play a part in my interactions with my own kids. I'm adamant that both Maddie and Josie receive the same amount of attention, the same opportunities, the same amount of pictures in the photo albums, and on and on. I can't help it. I even analyze how much attention Bill is giving either child and whether one is being preferred over the other one. Did he kiss Maddie and throw her up in the air when he got home? Did he then go to Josie and do the same thing? I sewed Maddie's birthday dresses for her first and second birthdays, but I bought Josie's. Will she feel like I didn't love her enough to put that time and effort into it?
I realize this issue I have is a bit out of control, but I don't want the girls to ever compare their childhoods and feel like either one was slighted or left out. Yes, things are sometimes out of our control, but I'll forever be measuring the things that are.
